Sunday, May 10, 2009

Once upon a time on a Sunday..

Sundays are meant to be fun, meant for "chillax"ing, watching movies, sports, IPL etc . One tries to minimise work as much as possible. Order food from outside, postpone the work which was postponed from the weekdays to the weekend to the next weekend and so on.

Most importantly experimenting (which often fails ... rather always) should surely be avoided at any cost. Some folks though don't heed such sane advices and learn their lessons the hard way.

It was a usual Sunday morning with my spouse in deep slumber while i was booting my laptop to watch a movie, suddenly i heard couple of blasts that sound similar to bomb blasts.
Neither was i close to any war zone nor was the Indian Cricket team winning any matches. Also there was stink .. really bad odour . I dreaded the worse ; Chemical Warfare.
( Disclaimer: I didnot fart ! as opposed to popular belief )

I instinctively (like Spiderman) turned around , ducked to save my life and then i was shocked to see the merciless carnage around me.

Lets move back in time to Saturday evening where we were visiting the exhibition for household items. We found a very useful item that would save us some effort during the early morning rush to get to work daily.
Rush? Is my job hectic? No man.... there is free AC at work . Only way to beat the heat !

It was a Microwave Egg Boiler. Wow... thats a really handy item. Place some water; then eggs and microwave it for 3-4 mins.. Voila ! Boiled eggs in no time.
The stall owner convinced me that against popular opinion eggs will not burst/break .
I as always was first very eager to buy it and then even more eager to use this contraption.

Hence, on this very unfortunate Sunday i decided to experiment boiling eggs in this device.
Instructions were simple.
Fill water in the vessel, place the perforated cover on it, place the eggs, cover the lid and microwave it for 3-4 mins.

I did egg-actly that and as being an expert in multi-tasking ( No, i am worse than Windows 98 at multi-tasking. One process hangs... system hangs) decides to boot up the laptop the same time.

As soon as i heard the alleged bomb blasts, i instinctively turned around and saw something devilish flying towards me. I ducked ! Phew! Then there was the stink .
I opened my eyes; Yes, the flying towards me was the lid of the Microwave Egg Boiler and the eggs had been overboiled; they burst all over the microwave, the floor, the otta . I was shocked at the turn of events and then the failure of my experiment.
I attempted to move close to the microwave and removed the utensil which still had one egg intact. I keep the vessel near the sink and turned around.
Then there was another blast ; sadly the last remaining egg also burst.

Not only had the lovely breakfast gone away;
I was in shock for sometime . Now What? Then it dawned upon me.. i had to clean up before my wife woke up.

Also, i could no longer use the old trick that i exercised daily and was really tired. Why ? See here.
Hence, now I a software engineer who most important decision of the day whether i should share this link on Twiter or not had to actually do some work ... i.e cleanup!!

But fear not, i have receiving training on fixing household disasters. Yeah! Really ?! Are there classes where do they teach all this?

If you come to my aerobics class... you will surely learn the subtleties of cleaning the house.

How??? I shall gladly enlighten ! Follow my lead

  • Take your left leg forward; raise your left hand ; bend all your fingers ; Raise your ankle. Now your rotate left wrist and left ankle to the tune of Main Hoon Don! Main Hoon Don!". Voila! you just learnt to change a bulb . Now you can confidentally change all the old spoilt bulbs in your house.

  • Keep a distance of a foot between your feet. Raise your arms to chest height. Keep your arm and fingers straight. Now rotate your wrist to the tune of Bappida's legendary "Tamma Tamma Loge". All you need is a dusting cloth in your hand and you just learn to dust. You can bend your back and clean that dirty centre table also.
    Raise your hands (arms straight). Now take a broom and clean those decade-old cobwebs.

  • An extension of the above step is keep one stand still and rotate the other . All you need in the dirty dish in your steady hand and a scrotch bite in your right hand... Now you are a dish washer !

  • Now, again keep a foot's distance between your feet. Keep your hands on your waste. Lift your left ankle. Rotate your left foot. Repeat the same for the right foot. Do this to the tune of any of Jitendra's song prefably one where he wears white shirt/shoes/underwear.
    All you need a cloth under you foot and you have learnt to do swabbing
    (pochha in your native tongue).

  • and there are many more.... You can learn the sweep, clean your clothes and even fly kites.
Hence using the above super cleaning skills i was able to effectively clean up the kitchen and thus hid the experiment from the Mrs. Though the stink was difficult to get rid off; and my wife smartly sniffed out that a crime had been committed.

I told the whole story, but my loving/charming wife understood and helped clean the stink .

I was let off so easily? Really?
Alas! No... my wife played the song "Aao Sikhao Tume Ande Ka Funda Yeh Nahin Pyare Koi Maamule Banda " and made me do those embarassing aerobics steps.

Have mercy.............