Sunday, March 22, 2009

Once upon a time in an Aerobics Session

My wife suggested i attend an aerobics class which was part of the package deal i had got when i joined a nearby gym. Now the gym serves more than the purpose of losing weight.
It allows one to avoid housework; watch the cricket match on the large screen LCD TV;
read the newspaper/magazines leisurely when its crowded;
when you come back you are exempt of any further housework; My beloved wife would say "You must be tired honey!".
Then I shamelessly watch the remainder of the cricket match on the home TV .If i reach home late you exclaim that "Oh there was a lot of crowd today at the gym!", when you actually were give some chick what-not-to-eat tips.

The chances of me actually exercising are shown here:

One fine day, i was forced out of the bed and then out of the toilet and then out of the house to attend the aerobics class. Regretting the decision to wake up in the first place, i treaded slowly into the aerobics room.
The instructor arrived early (sigh!) and the session started.

Few minutes into the session and i realized i was in an 80s' song-and-dance sequence with Jitendra and Sridevi lip-syncing to "Toofah Toofah Toofah, laya laya laya". I just needed whilte overalls and some white shoes. I could have easily passed of as one of the dancers in the last row who does not know what the hell he is doing.
The lead dancer (aerobics instructor) felt more of a B-grade Mithun lookalike; similar to the B-grade Harbhajan lookalike in the new Aircell Ad. He was very fast; hard to keep up types.
and in worse-case he expected us to be in sync.

WTF?! We weren't some wannabe-dancers competing in some reality show but were a bunch of sleep deprived slow-witted folks with hardly any sense of where we were.

There were chicks in the front ( I come from an engg. college so imagine my definition of chicks) who were able to actually follow what our Mithun lookalike was doing. I was *innocently* following their steps.

The feeling of being part of a B-grade movie dance sequence became overwhelming when i realized the aunties around me were gyrating.
Slowly the dance steps changed from Jumping jack to Govinda and now the centrifugal forces around me were thrust onto me with greater effect.

When i narrated the experience (i.e 80s style dancing not the chick staring part) to my beloved better half; she was laughing her guts out.
Now i will always ensure that i would surely attend these sessions.

People often ask when i get time to think/write these things.

Well in the aerobics session i am pretty sure the people behind me must be writing a blog about some fat jackass who even though looking at the chicks was doing something totally different (obviously hilarious and most importantly entertaining) than the rest of the class.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

If .....

(Thanks to Jitesh for this poem)
Simply superb stuff!!

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!