Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Bond with the Best !

A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months.

I finished my Engineering and now am working at Nevis Networks , Pune .
I recently got engaged to the love of my life , Leena which my family think was forced on to them as I am too young (just 22 you see) . The smiling faces in the album will surely not reflect this sentiment.

I now realize that , not being close to Parents has a lot of downsides. Firstly , they will never really know whether to trust their children in whatever decisions they make.
There is fear and doubt in their hearts when we take radical decisions on whether it will be right or wrong.For them this fear is rightly justified . The other side has another story altogether.
The kids think that , 'why can't the parents trust their decisions ? What are they scared of ?'

And What follows is an perfect recipe for disaster . Every one is right in their own position.
The problem is not even that . It is but obvious that everyone is going to have a view where he/she expects the other to be more compromising unless of course you are a saint.
The problem lies in the fact none of the sides are even bothered to understand what the other side is trying put forth. Especially when all have big Egos and big expectations .

So coming back to the main idea. Parents and Children all should realize that , living in an Indian Society , all their destinies are bound by the parent-child relation .
Strengthening it of utmost importance. A lot of us misunderstand this concept of strengthening this bond. Just by giving into all the wishes of any one be it a child giving into his parent wishes or vice versa will not strengthen it.
The key to strengthening a relationship is communication ( a lot of it) , understanding what the other is saying and showing confidence.

Eg . I wanted to go to Leh for a vacation with a group of friends. Instant reaction from my parents was no !!!. Without consideration or regard the answer NO !!. Why ?? Obviously I had to bully my way through ( as I always have done) . Every action has a reaction with equal if not more magnitude. Especially I am bound to be pissed , when my parents give examples of how this guy is not going or that guy listens . When the approach itself starts out to be negative , the results are bound to be negative .Then I am blamed to have used techniques of emotional blackmailing and all.This is a typical example of many that has severed our bond.

Fear and Doubt is going to be there in everyone's mind . But by showing obsessive-compulsive behavior , Are We getting anywhere?

Children should work more positively towards reducing this fear and doubt . While Parents should be willing to see other side and not be stubborn.

Communication is the key!!
Also the communication that takes place should be devoid of contempt , spite or ego . This is the most important thing .

The Parents should realize that in Today's World , Kids are more independent ( moneywise and otherwise) than ever and may never come back if they overly strict. Also by giving into their wishes all the time will only make them egocentric .

The Children should realize that , when they are going to be stuck in a soup the Parents surely are going to be there to bail them out.

We cannot have a World where all Ideas match , especially across generations (its more tough , believe me!!) .Thats Leads to Generation Gaps .
But we can surely bridge these Gaps by acting more understandingly and giving our egos a little break :) !!


theG said...

well, i though still think you are too young to get married. now aaji is after me. you have to think of the consequences dude, not just for you but for other not so lucky souls as well.

Invictus said...

Man, its like 2 people are living similar lives in different countries. A word of advice be strong. You've made a decision now stick with it. My folks were against my getting married to the love of my life and it created a very negative impact on things and the marriage was called off...something I regret everyday. You and your fiancée should talk about the coming marriage and your time together a lot, you might want to keep the communication channel with your folks going strong but I hope you remember that the communication channel between your fiancée and you gets even stronger by the day., parents will come around later ....something I should have realized a while back